THE TOP FIVE MOST WONDERFULLY ANNOYING CHRISTMAS SONGS

The Inmates' beloved Uncle Chester is not one to keep her feelings under wraps.  Therefore, when one of her most-despised Christmas songs comes on the radio (or on the cd I specially burned for her), her discomfort is obvious.  She usually lets out a howl, her face contorts, and she grabs the sides of her head.  This delights The Inmates no end and ensures that they will torture her with spontaneous renditions of her most-loathed tunes every few minutes for the entire month leading up to Christmas.  My sister has so many hated songs, in fact, that it was hard to narrow it down.  I think she will agree, though, that these are the ones most likely to send her into a frothing-at-the-mouth fit.

1.  "Poppa Santa Claus" -- Old Bing Crosby outdid himself on this one.  And since it's almost December, soon The Inmates' cheery little voices will ring out with Chester's favorite line:  "And when the circus clown put on a lady's gown, they laughed so hard the chandelier fell down."

2. "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" -- The most atrocious little girl voice in the world, but who wouldn't love a hippo in her Christmas stocking?  The Inmates zero in on Chester's hatred of the way she says "hippopotamus-us-es."

3.  "Santa's Got an Airplane" - There could actually be a whole Beach Boys sub-category for Chester.  She hates "The Little St. Nick" and she hates "Santa's Beard" (especially when Mike Love's nasally voice sings "you're not really Santa Claus...")  For sheer torture value, though, the winner is "Santa's Got An Airplane" with the particularly annoying (to her) "loop-de-loop flip-flop, Santa's got an airplane..."

4.  "That Holiday Feeling" - Who the hell could find fault with Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme?  I'm not sure which line bothers Chester the most.  It's probably either "you think you're such a smarty, come on let's have a party" or "when Santa Claus begins his flight, I hope he gets a flat tonight."  (The sheer lack of logic in the last line drives Chester crazy.  A flat what?)

5.  "Jingle Bells" - You would think "Old Blue Eyes" could do no wrong...  Well, not in Chester's eyes.  Of course, she's not fond of Frankie Baby to start with, so it's not a shock she loathes many of his Christmas songs.  This one is at the top of her list, though, and The Inmates know it.  Pretty soon they'll be leaning close to her ear and crooning, "I love those J-I-N-G-L-E bells...BONG!"

I could have easily made a top 10 list for Chester.  After all, there's no Partridge Family or Bobby Sherman on here.  I don't even have a track from The Ruth Lyons Christmas cd, with Bob Braun doing "Sing a Song of Christmas."  I don't know....I might just have to do a part two for this blog post...