THE TOP FIVE MOST WONDERFULLY ANNOYING CHRISTMAS SONGS

The Inmates' beloved Uncle Chester is not one to keep her feelings under wraps.  Therefore, when one of her most-despised Christmas songs comes on the radio (or on the cd I specially burned for her), her discomfort is obvious.  She usually lets out a howl, her face contorts, and she grabs the sides of her head.  This delights The Inmates no end and ensures that they will torture her with spontaneous renditions of her most-loathed tunes every few minutes for the entire month leading up to Christmas.  My sister has so many hated songs, in fact, that it was hard to narrow it down.  I think she will agree, though, that these are the ones most likely to send her into a frothing-at-the-mouth fit.

1.  "Poppa Santa Claus" -- Old Bing Crosby outdid himself on this one.  And since it's almost December, soon The Inmates' cheery little voices will ring out with Chester's favorite line:  "And when the circus clown put on a lady's gown, they laughed so hard the chandelier fell down."

2. "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" -- The most atrocious little girl voice in the world, but who wouldn't love a hippo in her Christmas stocking?  The Inmates zero in on Chester's hatred of the way she says "hippopotamus-us-es."

3.  "Santa's Got an Airplane" - There could actually be a whole Beach Boys sub-category for Chester.  She hates "The Little St. Nick" and she hates "Santa's Beard" (especially when Mike Love's nasally voice sings "you're not really Santa Claus...")  For sheer torture value, though, the winner is "Santa's Got An Airplane" with the particularly annoying (to her) "loop-de-loop flip-flop, Santa's got an airplane..."

4.  "That Holiday Feeling" - Who the hell could find fault with Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme?  I'm not sure which line bothers Chester the most.  It's probably either "you think you're such a smarty, come on let's have a party" or "when Santa Claus begins his flight, I hope he gets a flat tonight."  (The sheer lack of logic in the last line drives Chester crazy.  A flat what?)

5.  "Jingle Bells" - You would think "Old Blue Eyes" could do no wrong...  Well, not in Chester's eyes.  Of course, she's not fond of Frankie Baby to start with, so it's not a shock she loathes many of his Christmas songs.  This one is at the top of her list, though, and The Inmates know it.  Pretty soon they'll be leaning close to her ear and crooning, "I love those J-I-N-G-L-E bells...BONG!"

I could have easily made a top 10 list for Chester.  After all, there's no Partridge Family or Bobby Sherman on here.  I don't even have a track from The Ruth Lyons Christmas cd, with Bob Braun doing "Sing a Song of Christmas."  I don't know....I might just have to do a part two for this blog post...

I HEART BUILD-A-BEAR WORKSHOP

About five years ago, my sister gave me one of the most ridiculously awesome (or awesomely ridiculous) gifts ever.  I received a pink faux suede jacket with pink leopard trim and matching hat.  Oh, did I mention it was sized to fit a critter from Build-A-Bear Workshop?  Tucked in with the outfit was a gift certificate that would buy me any stuffed animal of my choice.  I was delighted.  I've always been fonder of stuffed animals than is normal and my mania has not diminished with age.  I was immediately drawn to a lovely little leopard doll, christened "Dooney" (for reasons obvious to anyone who ever reads my blog).

A few months later it was the Christmas season and The Inmates were happily torturing Uncle Chester with her least favorite Christmas song -- "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas."  It's one of those annoying songs that makes Chester writhe in agony, so The Inmates spend most of December serenading her with it.  She thought it would be fun to really get each a hippopotamus for Christmas, so off we went to Build-A-Bear Workshop.

In the years since we've bought dozens of outfits and I acquired a male black bear to go with Dooney (named, of course, "Bourke").  They reside permanently in front of the fireplace and have become my favorite seasonal decor item.  They're set for Valentine's Day, Fourth of July, Christmas, Thanksgiving.  There are bikinis and wet suits and skiing outfits with gear.  The Professor rarely gives his hippo, Harold, a glance these days.  Foghorn occasionally gets her hippo, Nancy, down to play, but just as often she takes off with Dooney and I have to race behind her with threats of bodily harm if she damages my leopard.

I'm ashamed to say I have not gotten them dressed for Thanksgiving yet.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  It just won't be a holiday until my furry friends are dressed up as pilgrims and Native Americans.  In the meantime, I give you a taste of the Build-A-Bear freak show in my home.  Enjoy.

We're not actually Jewish, but my son really likes the idea
of celebrating Hanukkah.  Every year we have a menorah and how
could I resist dressing Bourke up in a yarmulke?

Pilgrim Harold.

Dooney decked out in New Year's finery, Harold as
Santa (with beard, no less), and an angelic Nancy. 
(Dooney recycled the same outfit for the royal wedding
in April.  She looked divine with the addition of a
mini tiara.)

Get out the green beer!

Skateboarder dude.

Dooney in her 4th of July get-up along side (what else?)
two Dooney bags from our visit to the Williamsburg
Dooney and Bourke outlet.

Nancy and Harold hanging at the beach.

Foghorn with a vacationing Dooney
in her grass skirt, lei, and coconut boobs.

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