HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY...FROM ONE BAD MUTHA

Okay, maybe that's stretching it a little, but I'm not exactly June Cleaver either, which may explain my Mother's Day gift this year.  A few months ago, just before they announced that this was the final season of House, I got the first disc of season one from the library.  And it was love at first limp.  I don' t know what took me so long to get around to watching this show.  I've adored Hugh Laurie for close to 20 years, going back to when I first watched Jeeves and Wooster on Masterpiece Theatre.  Maybe if I'd known he wasn't just nasty and snarly but hilariously nasty and snarly I would have tuned in sooner.  And Sherlock Holmes being one of my minor obsessions, the parallels between the two characters would have hooked me as well.

In a nutshell, about two months ago I became seriously addicted to this show, got every season from the library, and caught up (thanks to Hulu) on this final season in time to watch the last eight episodes along with the rest of the world.  My sister swears I only like House because I am House.   I have to admit that when I watch House and Wilson together, it eerily resembles my interactions with my own husband.  While The Vulcan isn't as empathetic and supportive as Wilson, he does have a high tolerance for abuse, which is the main reason I married him.  I realized the only thing missing from our Ohio-based Wilson/House relationship was...wait for it...a cane.  Yes, I realized that the many times I torment my husband and he takes off running for the sanctity of his room could only be made more enjoyable by the addition of a cane.  As my husband was arguing about how pointless a gift that would be, I explained to him the practical applications.  When he tried to escape me up the stairs, I could stick the cane through the railings and trip him.  Or I could hide outside the bedroom and when he emerged I could use my cane to trip him.  Or if he said something snarky and insulting...well, you get the idea.  His reaction, naturally, was, "And why would that make me want to buy it for you?"

Let's just say, I have a way of getting what I want most of the time.  For holidays such as this I always buy myself a backup gift or two in case my husband lets me down.  This year I bought several seasons of (what else?) House on dvd.  Turns out I wouldn't have had to do that, as I got Foghorn on my side and she's been harassing The Vulcan to buy me a cane for weeks.  He might be tempted to cross me, but there's no way he's gonna cross her.  I now present the perfect Mother's Day gift:

OK, technically the guy holding the cane
would be the best Mother's Day gift...

And it even comes with an instructional video:

Happy Mutha's Mother's Day, everyone!


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