One year ago today I received the best (and ultimately most expensive) birthday gift ever. We swung by the Recycled Doggies adoption event at the Red Dog Pet Resort and returned home with a blue tick coon hound mix named Molly. She was quickly renamed St. Jimmi.
- Seven chewed up books, including my 30-year old Nancy Drew that I read every summer. (And I'm still a little pissy over the destruction of the book about the 1893 World's Fair...from 1893.)
- Three dozen shredded magazines, including an early 70s Good Housekeeping featuring a Clairol ad with Farrah Fawcett.
- One gnawed-up stick horse.
- Close to three hundred demolished crayons, markers, pencils, pens, Happy Meal toys, Barbie dolls, notebooks, Tinker Toys, fast food meal bags, and assorted toothsome bits pulled from my desk side garbage can. (Yes, this tends to be an almost daily occurrence.)
- One nibbled dress shoe belonging to The Vulcan.
- One chomped Boyd's Bears baseball uniform-clad bear. (Most of the stuffed animal is intact, but she ruined his little mini baseball bat.)
- Nine ripped socks.
- At least twenty large holes dug in the backyard.
- Three twisted ankles from falls in the aforementioned holes.
- Five obliterated wicker baskets.
- One terribly bruised and swollen calf on The Warden thanks to a Christmas season headbutt while running at full speed.
It is worth noting, though, that while my husband is grumbling about the cost of this year's birthday gift, he's ignoring the true cost of last year's. I've had to look at his sour expression for the last two weeks, ever since my new iPhone arrived. I get regular snarly comments about the cost, about how much money I spent, about the monthly fees. He could, on the other hand, look at the costs of St. Jimmi. The actual adoption fee was quite reasonable, but then we have the regular vet appointments, the two extra appointments for ear infections, the obedience classes, the extra dog food (which has been significant and is obvious by the additional 17 pounds she's now carrying around), the Invisible Fence collar, the replacement costs of the various mangled items, and the expense of having a landscaper deliver a couple hundred pounds of dirt to fill all those holes. (I've come to the conclusion that she must swallow the dirt as there are deep craters back there, but not any piles of dirt with which to fill them.) Some day we'll add in the cost to purchase a new living room sofa, as she naturally decided my "nice" sofa was the best place for her to sleep, muddy feet and all. And then when you think these are just the costs for the one year and her life expectancy is at least a decade...
When you look at the ledger, I think my husband got off quite cheaply this year. But the iPhone won't bring me nearly as much joy as last year's gift.
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