Tuesday, September 6, 2011

KNITTING: WHAT'S S.E.X. GOT TO DO WITH IT?

I previously mentioned (enough times to be annoying by now) that I adore Debbie Stoller, author of the Stitch 'N Bitch books, for her patterns and her humor and the new terminology that's entered my life.  Oh, and the acronyms.  Let's not forget the acronyms.

My love of acronyms is why I almost titled this post "S.E.X. in the Morning," but fear of lurking perverts trolling the Web and gawking at my children forced me to edit.  In this case "s.e.x." stands for  "stash enrichment expedition."  Translation:  yarn shopping!

I ran out to Hobby Lobby for three small skeins of cotton yarn for a very specific project.  I did not need more yarn.  I have half a dozen knitting books and a binder filled with printouts of free online patterns and I still don't feel competent enough to make anything more challenging than a scarf.  I also have a 3" x 5" card listing planned projects (meaning I have the yarn and correct sized needles and pattern), which could easily have me knitting through the 2012 Summer Olympics with no further purchasing.

Like I said, I went out for three particular skeins for one particular project  Yes, indeed, I did.  Can somebody explain, then, why I came home with this?


Foghorn and her kick-ass boots
It's that damn Hobby Lobby clearance rack!  They gotta quit putting $10 skeins of yarn on there at 60% off, especially when I plan on going to the Wool Gathering in Yellow Springs later this month and stocking up on yarn from family-owned businesses and sheep I can actually thank in person.  I already had half a dozen skeins, still in wrappers, that I picked up at an estate sale last month.  And then there was this past Saturday morning, when I went to the Truly Blest consignment store sale, and came home with a couple dozen clothing items, a pair of kick-ass boots for Foghorn...and three skeins of yarn...still in the wrappers.  I wonder if the Betty Ford Center has any options for my addiction?




You might also be interested in:

SO MAD I COULD KNIT


MEET THE INMATES -- "FOGHORN"




    

Monday, September 5, 2011

PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW

Back in June, Uncle Chester and I took The Inmates to Chicago for vacation.  Three days before our departure, an expensive but critical bit went out on my 2002 Toyota Sienna minivan and couldn't be repaired in time.  Needless to say, after six hours' driving each way with four of us crammed into a PT Cruiser, my determination to purchase a new van this year went up a notch.  I had intended to get one in the Spring, until a tsunami decimated parts of Japan and caused major issues with Toyota production.  By summer things were mostly up and running again when I ran into my second obstacle:  Hurricane Vulcan.

Since The Vulcan rarely goes out with the children and even more rarely drives the van, he thought there was no reason not to drive the current one to death.  I, on the other hand, was the one who ran the risk of it breaking down on the expressway with Foghorn in the car, whining in my ear for hours on end waiting for AAA.  Not to mention I've been fighting sticking side doors for years.  It all came to a head on Saturday when Grandma tried to close the door from the inside only to have the button she'd depressed get stuck and the door refused to close all the way.  I decided it was perhaps not wise to have a woman about to turn 79 ride home holding onto the handle to keep it from sliding open.  There I stood, in full view of a restaurant full of people, kicking the hell out of the door panel, trying to get the button to dislodge and/or the door to shut all the way.  Foghorn even got to kick it from the inside, but instead of hitting only the button she kept hitting the glass and I could see her entire foot going through, so she had to be restrained.  Once I finally got that door shut, I placed a loving, calm, and sane call to my husband, telling him we were going out to look for a new van.  I may have cut him off mid-sentence by hanging up on him, but that really doesn't sound like me..

Long story short, after trips to two dealerships over the weekend, a couple hours of nasty quarreling with The Vulcan, and a sincere threat to take money out of our bank account and simply write a check to Toyota without him, we are the owners of a new 2011 Sienna minivan.  In the end, even The Vulcan admitted we got a good deal, since the 2012s come out in early October and the dealers are wanting to get rid of their 2011s.  We had intended to pay cash, but since we got 0% financing in addition to a $1000 rebate, it seemed silly not to use their money for three years.  It also helped wipe that stricken look off The Vulcan's face...a little.

Foghorn was extremely enthusiastic about the idea of a new van, although she kept insisting I also check the car lot for an RV.  A couple years ago she became obsessed with owning a Winnebago and began saving money in a three foot tall Coca-Cola bottle bank.  That was fine (even though the price tag on the model she wanted was $180K and it would take her a good 25 years to save that much from her allowance).  What I objected to was her insistence on hitting up people for money.  Grandma and Chester regularly had their pockets picked, which was bad enough.  The straw that broke The Warden's back was when she started panhandling to complete strangers in stores or restaurants, pleading for pennies for her Winnebago fund.  When that didn't work, she began going around saying she was a "poor little urchin" and could someone spare a dime.

The Professor in Gatlinburg -- 2008
The Professor, on the other hand, is extremely sentimental.  At this moment we are in desperate need of a new sofa-bed in the basement, but he insists we can't get rid of the old (read:  broken beyond repair) couch because it has so many good memories.  Our blue Sienna minivan was purchased when he was three and I was expecting baby #2.  (That pregnancy ended in miscarriage, but another successful pregnancy came right on its heels.)  He really doesn't remember riding in anything else and I will say it was not without a little emotion that I gave it up to Beechmont Toyota.  Our vacations are always road trips, so that van was used to go to Pennsylvania, Virginia, West Virginia, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky.  It rolled through Civil War battlefields and big city traffic.  It took us to the Smokey Mountains and to the beach.  It transported us to numerous Camp Gonnawanna destinations, Halloween pumpkin patches, and Christmas light viewings.  It saw my kids go from rear-facing baby seats, to front-facing car seats, to booster seats, and, as of a month ago for Foghorn, to just a seat belt.  The poor thing, given that it experienced the first eight years of a child's life, also had every type of bodily fluid splashed in it, as well as large quantities of juice, lemonade, and dog drool.   (We left behind the DNA of at least a dozen dogs and two cats.)

Camp Gonnawanna - 2008
As far as The Professor was concerned, all those memories were more important than having a vehicle we could actually rely on to get us from place to place.  I disagreed.  And, of course, I won the battle.  I arrived at Grandma's to pick them up in our cranberry red minivan  and Foghorn went wild with exicitement at all the new technology.  After almost a decade of using our no-frills version, we're overly impressed by extras that others have had for years.  Foghorn is in love with having middle seat windows that roll down and have detachable sunshades.  She gleefully watches the back-up camera come on when I put the car in reverse and can't get over the fact that her seat is now separate from The Professor's and can recline.  She gave it the ultimate compliment when she declared, "This is better than an RV."

The Professor is a harder nut to crack.  He's old enough to ride shotgun now, so he's able to fiddle with knobs in the dashboard and is enjoying that I can hook the iPod right into the stereo where he has easy control over songs.  He loves the automatic sliding doors, especially opening them with the button on my key chain.  And he thinks having 10 cup holders is just the best idea ever.  Still, he's having trouble letting go of the old van.  Repeatedly while riding he says, "I'm not saying this one isn't better.  I'm just really gonna miss the old one."

My beloved Tristan
And I completely understand.  I wasn't allowed to drive until I was 18 and living in a rural area I was chomping at the bit to break free.  Thanks to my mother matching whatever I put in my savings account during my teen years, when I did get my first car it was a brand new one.  I purchased a 1988 light blue Chevy Nova, which I named Tristan Graham Hewson.  ("Tristan" for the character on All Creatures Great and Small, "Graham" for Graham Nash, and "Hewson" because it was the real last name of U2's Bono.)  Nobody loved a car more than I loved that one.  I suddenly was in control of my own movements and could go wherever, whenever I wanted.  I bonded with that car in a way I didn't bond with anything again until I had my first child.  I've had many cars since, all much nicer than that Nova, but I've never loved one as much and none has given me the same thrill.  While I appreciate how The Professor feels, I also know that there comes a time when you have to let go of something that's gotten...well...old.  For Tristan that was 1995 when two $1300 repair bills still didn't manage to solve the problem of him stalling every time I touched the brake.  I reluctantly let sentiment go for a car that wouldn't kill me at an intersection.  I still miss him, though.

Frank gives it two paws up.
The Professor is slowly coming around.  Today, on the way home from Grandma's, he said with a smile, "This really is a great van."  And to ease the pain, we've given him naming rights.  He's still pondering what to christen it and I just pray I'm not about to spend 10 years with a van named after a Pokemon.






  

Sunday, September 4, 2011

ST. JIMMI'S BREAD MACHINE RAISIN BREAD

I frequently bemoan the fact that my family doesn't particularly like my cooking.  I blame it less on my cooking and more on their unsophisticated palates, but there you have it.  One exception, though, is my bread machine raisin bread, which I came up with after much trial and error and tweaking of existing recipes.  The Inmates don't like it, so my record is still intact with them.  The Vulcan, on the other hand, can polish off half a loaf as a midnight snack.  Grandma, Uncle Chester, and I all think it's very tasty.  My biggest fan, though, is my blue tick coon hound mix, St. Jimmi.  Unfortunately, raisins can be toxic to dogs (much like chocolate), so I have to pull off small pieces of buttered bread and check for shriveled fruit before passing them on to a very grateful dog.

If you have a bread maker and want a super-easy, slightly sweet, and yummy raisin bread, then here you go:

ST. JIMMI'S BREAD MACHINE RAISIN BREAD

7 oz. water, lukewarm
3/4 tsp. salt
2 cups of bread machine flour
1/3 cup rolled oats
1/8 cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
3/4 to 1 cup raisins
1 package or 2 tsp. dry yeast
1/8 cup honey
1-1/2 T. butter

Pour water in bread machine pan.  Add salt, flour, oats, brown sugar, cinnamon, and raisins.  Gently tap pan to settle the ingredients  Make a small well in the center and add yeast.  Pour honey over top.  Cut butter in four pieces and place each in a corner of the pan. 


St. Jimmi, hanging out on the cat perch
This recipe makes a one pound loaf.  I bake it on the "medium" bread color setting and for "basic" bread.  Since the honey, brown sugar, and raisins give it a light sweetness, I prefer it topped with just butter, but it's also good with a variety of jams and jellies.  Just be careful to remove raisins before feeding it to any canine family members.

Enjoy!


For other great recipes, craft ideas, and more, please check out Milk & Cuddles' link-up post here









   

Friday, September 2, 2011

Foghorn's Major Award

Foghorn's major award by josherpoodle
Foghorn's major award, a photo by josherpoodle on Flickr.

Foghorn got the "Smart Cookie Award" in school today and got to choose from the treasure box. Best thing about this ballerina? She twirls in WATER. Yes, bath toy! Very proud of my girl. I never once said she wasn't smart. I just said she was evil.

HAPPY WEEKEND

Wishing everyone a happy, fun weekend, especially the Americans who will be celebrating Labor Day on Monday.  And if you're wondering what life will be like around here, I give you the silent footage Foghorn took with her little $20 digital camera the other day:




Yep, that's pretty much it, complete with howling dog.  She also took about a dozen shots of a gutter salesman with whom I was speaking on the front porch, taken surreptitiously from behind the curtain.  When I asked why she took so many pictures she replied, "Listen, he might turn out to be a murderer and when the police want a picture of him, I'll have it."


You might also be interested in:

* Meet the Inmates -- Foghorn

   


{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -- Inspired by SouleMama







Thursday, September 1, 2011

THE FLIP SIDE

Who knew such evil lurked beneath the Carol Brady hair?
Yesterday I mentioned my first day of school ritual with my kids, as well as the ritual inflicted upon me by my mother -- namely that horrible little song she woke me with.  I still get a twitch in my left eye when I think of it.

Well, coincidentally, today she wrote a school-related post on her blog, Lillian's Cupboard, about going to an inner-city grade school in Cincinnati during the Depression.  It's an interesting read and has an adorable picture of a little girl with finger curls...  (You can read it here.)  What was most startling to me, though, was the poem she included.  My mother wrote it at age nine in 1942 just before starting back to school for the year:


Poem by Lillian (9 years old) – August, 1942

I love to go to school
And see the teachers dear
There to teach us children
All through the year.

I love to go to school
To learn to write and read
And there to learn to be
Very good indeed.

I love to go school
Because it’s so much fun
For when I have gym
I sometimes get to run.

I love to go to school
Way up into June
For you see I am so anxious
School will be starting soon.

In autumn when the leaves are falling
We hear the children’s voices calling
I think how glad they must be
To go to school the same as me.


It's at moments like this that I question whether she's really my mother.  And she was completely sincere in her sentiments.  I, on the other hand, was about to grab for the bucket I haven't used since I had morning sickness.

My Grandmother
When I spoke to my mother yesterday, she reminded me that her mother had sung the same little first day of school song to her and that she didn't lob a Buster Brown loafer at the woman.  Well, now I can see why.   My mother genuinely loved school.  I genuinely hated it.   And how could a person who would've shown up to school an hour early possibly understand a person who wanted to pull the blanket over her head and show up a month late?  (I might add that my mother also didn't fling a shoe because my Grandma Martha would have smacked her over the head with it.  You didn't mess with her.)

I imagine my mother as a student -- very studious, intelligent, eager to please, quiet, respectful.  In other words a teacher's dream.  The same descriptive words could also apply to The Professor, though.  Not long ago my mother and I were discussing our belief that all teachers really want is kids to behave and try.  Academic excellence is wonderful, but I think most teachers would be happy with a roomful of kids who don't cause disruptions and who give their work their best efforts.   For that reason, The Professor has always been well liked by his teachers, gets kudos on his report cards, and is usually described as so "nice."



I must say, though, that The Professor isn't quite the student-clone of my mother.  She writes lovely little poems like the above.  My son, on the other hand, tends to be a little more left of center.  He recently filled out a 7th grade get-to-know-you sheet for a teacher.  One of the questions was, "If you could have lunch with three people, living or dead, who would they be?"  He wrote down his Grandpa Frank (deceased), his Grandpa David (deceased), and...Ed Begley, Jr." 



You might also be interested in:

The First Day of School Ritual

Schools Days - Cincinnati - 1930s-1940s

The Inmates -- Meet the Professor